In case anyone was wondering: acting is hard.

I had a "learning experience" night in acting class a couple days ago.  I was doing an "audition" for a small part from a movie script where I had to play a therapist.  I didn't prepare as well as I should have and relied too much on having the script in my hand, checking it every couple of lines to make sure I was still on track.  I got the voice right, felt the delivery was pretty good, but the lack of eye contact in a scene where I was supposed to be giving a patient my full attention was disastrous to the overall effort.  I bombed big time.

Fortunately, we're doing the same scene again next week, so I get to learn from my mistakes and blow the doors off next time.  But it underscores something that I learn anew every time I go to perform: Acting is really, really hard to do.  And it's really, really, really, really, really hard to do well.  To anyone new to this that thinks they're just going to be handed some dialogue and they're going to be brilliant right off the bat, you're either a genius acting savant and I hate you or you're in for a rude awakening.  Failure and learning from that failure is something I'm encountering basically every time I do this, and I don't expect it to ever change.  Sure, I can increase my rate of success from 0% to something a bit higher as I go, but no one gets every part they audition for.  In listening to interviews and talking to working actors, rejection and failure is simply expected.  It's part of the job.

Take the last thing you said to your spouse, your kids, or your coworker and try to repeat it with the same delivery, the same emotions, the same headspace as before.  Harder than it seems, right?  Something's different or off about it.  Even when it was something that was generated in your brain and came out of your mouth.  A good actor, not even a great one, has to be able to take something someone else wrote and do the same thing -- make that dialogue authentic, natural, and believable.

Sometimes all it takes is a glance to the side to ruin a take.  A simple break of eye contact or a twitch of your face breaks the moment or communicates something besides what you were intending.  Michael Caine speaks about the importance of simplicity and eye contact in this interview here, which I would highly recommend for anyone even slightly curious about this whole subject.  I'm not at a place in my training where I can afford to be that cerebral about it, but sometimes if I just remember the goal of the scene, what my character wants to accomplish in the set of given circumstances, I subconsciously do what he so brilliantly puts into words.  And having listened to his take on it, I'm just a little more studious and notice what my face or my eyes do, and how tiny things can affect the overall result.

From BBC Radio 4.  "An Acting Masterclass with Michael Caine"

I'm going to be really bad at it for a long time.  That act of making something look and sound simple and real is going to be an effort.  But man, am I looking forward to that "eureka!" moment of magic one of these days when it all clicks on purpose instead of by accident.  When I can do that, I'll have taken another step on this road.

Until then, and after, it's still going to be fun.  Whether I succeed brilliantly or fail horrendously the act of acting is still something that fuels my soul.  As bad as I was, I got to be a grizzled, pony-tailed, ex-hippie therapist last class.  Before that I was a bumbling cop desperate for love.  In voice auditions I've been a dancing skeleton, a hooded assassin, a corrupt businessman, a panicked gnome, and more.  It's all very difficult, and I fail more often than I succeed, but it's FUN.  Even when it's hard work, it's fulfilling and it's worth it.

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In other news, Steve Blum's Facebook community group continues to be a blast.  He laid down the latest voice acting challenge for the Blumvox Studios members last week for Talk Like a Pirate Day: Say something in a pirate voice/accent that no pirate would ever be caught dead saying.  Naturally, I threw a line down from Mary Poppins and improvised an eye patch with my headphones.  I've already won one of these, but I love doing them, and I love seeing what everyone else comes up with.  Judging ends tonight, so fingers crossed!  Maybe I'll get another shout-out.

Feeling Busy and Feeling Overwhelmed - The Difference Between the Two

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day, everyone!  I'm at my full time survival job at the moment, writing this while filling out payment requests and taking every free moment someone isn't looking to read a new script we're preparing for my acting class.  Oh, and I've got the dulcet tones of Taliesin Jaffe and Brian W. Foster caressing my ears in the background.

These days I'm really busy.  Like really, really busy.  I have a little, black book with a day to day calendar in it and each month is absolutely filled to the brim with work, training, practice, meetings, and reminders.  I think I'm busier now than I was when I was in college.  But you know what?

It feels fantastic.

There was a time before now that having this much on my plate would send me into a panic -- a deep spiral of anxiety and depression and loathing that would have had me ignoring all of it just to spend more time hiding in my bed where I felt safe.  I was wondering the other day just why it feels so different now as opposed to just a year ago, and how I'm handling things in a new way.

Aside from some proper medication, the difference is purpose.  It's drive, passion, a sense of going somewhere as opposed to just treading water.

All my life I've sort of gone the path of least resistance, and when things got too hard I just changed direction instead of fighting the current to get what I really wanted -- because I didn't really even know what I wanted.  I thought I did, but for some reason I always gave up.  Instead, I tried to fit in.  I changed majors (several times) to what I thought might be easier and provide a more stable future instead of one I really cared about.  But I never stuck with anything if it got too hard.  The only thing I really enjoyed was time I could escape from my life into games, books, movies, etc.  Work was always going to be something that I crawled through in order to have my precious, lazy downtime at the end of the day or on weekends.

When I decided to stop trying to fit in and go with the flow, my worldview changed.  It's difficult, and maybe I'll never get where I want to be with it, but I realized how much being creative and performing meant to me.  When I take even one step in that direction I get more energy not less.  For a serious introvert it's as thrilling as it is terrifying, but I can't stop myself.  For the first time I believe that people actually might want to hear what I have to say and my brain is suddenly Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch.

I'M SO CLENCHED UP RIGHT NOW; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT VOICE ACTING.

It feels great to be busy.  I can't NOT be busy now.  I've got so much work to do, so much content to produce, so much to give back in a life that (aside from the incredible woman I somehow tricked into marrying me) I feel like I've utterly wasted to this point.  But it's not too late.  To paraphrase Monty Python, "I'm 32. I'm not old!"

I have worth, I am enough, I have talent and skill and a depth of passion which surprises me sometimes.  I wish I could have told myself that ten or fifteen years ago, but I am where I'm supposed to be right here right now and you're all going to hear about it.

Update! Training and RCCC - Actors dealing with cringe at Q&A panels.

So!  Update this week is on the large side of medium, I'd say.

I've really committed to getting the training I need if I'm going to compete at a professional level in voiceover/voice acting.  I've just started the next class in a series of On Camera acting courses offered by Rooney/Totman Acting Studio in Portland, this time around with Ted Rooney, an amazing actor and amazing teacher, who focuses on authenticity in performance and first-person storytelling.  I'm still a little weirded out by having to be on camera and full-body act instead of specifically voice act, but I know I'm going in the right direction because of that fear mixed with electric excitement feeling you can only get when you're improving yourself.

In addition, I've begun vocal coaching with Amanda Eve Studios, learning to focus on developing and maintaining good habits when it comes to breath control, vocal health, and developing the range and power of my voice.  She's personalized a curriculum for me, helping me apply the lessons singers learn early on to when I might have to really stretch my ability -- like if a role requires me to scream a lot, for instance.

I've been to the first lesson for each of my new classes and I am STOKED to continue.  In the meantime I'm never letting up with my personal education, making sure I've read Yuri Lowenthal & Tara Platt's book, "Voice-Over/Voice Actor" cover to cover and continuing to learn from Steve Blum's live Blumvox Studios teaching webinars.  My goal is to learn more each day, to immerse myself in the subject, and to be better as an actor every week than the one before.  I might post a full list of books on acting and voiceover that I've gathered since my start in a future post.

On a different note, I went to Rose City Comic Con this past weekend!  It was fantastic and crowded and frenetic and full of amazing cosplayers and cool people.  I had the good fortune to get into the panels for Chris Sabat (Voice Actor - Dragonball Z, My Hero Academia, and more), Felicia Day (Screen Actor - Dr. Horrible, Supernatural, The Guild, Author, Co-Founder of Geek & Sundry), and finally Lucy Pohl and Charlet Chung (Voice Actors - Overwatch), along with maybe the last five or ten minutes of the David Tennant (Screen Actor - Dr. Who, Broadchurch, Jessica Jones) panel immediately previous to these.

(David Tennant, Rose City Comic Con 2018)

I was somewhat disappointed in that the panels weren't really discussion or interview with the actors, but rather they were ONLY audience Q&A, but there were some gems from Felicia Day especially.  She said, "If (what you create) touches one other person, it's worth doing." and I think I need to really internalize that.  I'm not trying to get into voice acting to be famous, and from watching the "dance, monkey, dance!" demands the audience tend to put upon their favorite celebrities to repeat lines of dialogue like a juke box, I'm not sure I'd ever want to reach that level of public attention.  But it goes to show you that everything is easier when you're funny.  Chris Sabat was incredibly skilled at handling even the cringiest questions thrown at him in a joking, personable, and easy sort of way.  It was almost like an improv exercise where he had to stretch "Yes, AND..." to the absolute limit. 

And hey, we got to hear All Might tell some dad jokes, so that was pretty great.

Well, I've got some script memorizing to do for Monday.  Next week, let's do some more recording!

1, 2, 3...Fuck it. I'm doing this!

Something that really sticks with me from listening to people talk about voice acting is when Richard Horvitz gave this little bit of advice.  When you're nervous about a performance, just repeat in your head "1, 2, 3, fuck it."  Then you just go.  

So that's what I'm doing. 

To everyone who comes across this blog, my name is Kyle Stroud and I AM A VOICE ACTOR.  I started this blog, one, to give me somewhere to post my demo, and two, so that anyone could read along as I go down this road.  I'll be posting articles, thoughts, updates, and other interesting tidbits as I come across them.  I'll also be posting about acting in general as I continue my training in the craft and probably more than a bit of everyday nerdity as well.  Thanks for taking this journey with me!

For a little example of what I'm up to, check out my demo below.